It was a humid summer night. It had not been a great day so far.
It had taken all day for The General’s mother to be discharged from the hospital, where she had had a stent put in to correct a blockage in an artery. Apparently super important heart surgeons can’t be bothered with details like speaking the magical words from their Olympian heights that will produce the prescription necessary for a patient to get the hell out of his domain.
Lawyers don’t rank nearly as high on the god scale as heart surgeons, or indeed physicians of any kind.
That little figure on Zeus’s hand? Probably a lawyer. Her hand is raised, trying to get Zeus’s attention. Or anybody’s.
The General had been waiting since morning, figurative hat in figurative hand, at the pleasure of the Almighty. When he had to leave for a meeting at 2:00 p.m., he tagged me to take the afternoon off from my own busy legal practice to continue the interminable wait.
After an hour or two, I finally managed to identify and corner one of the myrmidons of the God of Surgery. Using my best dominant alpha dog voice, I bullied him into daring to approach the Almighty. The prescription was produced, and mama-in-law was free – right in time for a torrential rainstorm which made driving almost impossible.
I had to stop at the pharmacy to get the all-important prescription. I stepped out of the car in the mall parking lot and promptly sank up to my knees in water, ruining one of my favourite pairs of shoes. The pharmacy told me we could have had the prescription for free, if the doctor had filled out the correct form instead of the one he gave us. Did I want to return to the hospital to get him to issue another, or did I prefer to pay the $250 for the prescription I had.
Gee, let me think. Drive back through the flooded roads and re-engage in the thrilling activity of sitting on my ass for another several hours waiting for the gods to wander back in my direction, or pay the $250?
I sighed and reached for my wallet.
Mother-in-law was coming to our house to stay for a while so she wouldn’t be alone while she recovered. She had wasted no time in making it absolutely clear to me that flood and hurricane notwithstanding, she wasn’t setting foot in suburbia until we went to her apartment to procure things of dire necessity. Things like like nail polish. She’d been in the hospital for a week without nail polish. She was not prepared to live like an animal any longer!
This necessitated another death defying slog through the whirling eddies of the rising waters. It was now rush hour. In a freak rainstorm of biblical proportions. We arrived home after two hours of fighting traffic and the weather to find our basement flooded.
We got mother-in-law settled and fed. We got the flood in the basement mopped up. We got the dogs fed and released outside. We turned up the air-conditioning and prepared to get our lips over a couple of stiff drinks.
“Not so fast,” the Fates snickered.
Just as we were sitting down, a huge commotion broke out from our three dogs in the backyard. The frenzied pitch of the barking suggested there was an intruder. We turned on all the yard lights and peered out, not seeing anything, not even the dogs. There was, however, a strong acrid smell, like someone had thrown around acid or hot bleach.
We called the dogs, who didn’t come. We raced down to the yard. The dogs were cowering underneath the deck. The acrid smell made our eyes water. Annie’s eyes were running and red. She looked like she had suffered a chemical burn. Toby and Mac were wet and stunk to high heaven.
We grabbed all three and dragged them around to the garage, what the helling all the way. Had someone pepper sprayed them?
The General’s mother arrived on the scene, wringing her hands and demanding to know what was going on. She helpfully left the door to the house open and the dogs made a break for it. We had to push past the invalid to grab the dogs before they spread their delicious aroma of skunk all through the house.
We wrestled them back to the garage, past The General’s mother who added her contribution to the chaos by providing a truly epic soundtrack. She insisted on explanations. She rejected our explanations and offered her own theories. She demanded that we do the opposite of everything we were doing. She predicted destruciton and despair, like she was Cassandra and our smelly dog-filled garage was Troy.
The garage was hot and humid and the stench was truly incredible. It had been a very long day.
I regret to say both The General and I forgot our manners. The mother-in-law beat a strategic retreat.
As we examined the dogs and discussed the situation, we were eventually forced to conclude that they had encountered a skunk, who had somehow gotten in to our securely fenced yard. You may think we were idiots for not understanding this right away. But the thing was that, at least initially, it didn’t smell like skunk. It smelled like toxic gas.
Yes, apparently the odour we all associate with skunk is how it smells after it has dispersed somewhat. When you are right on top of it as it is released, you could be excused for thinking you had wondered into the middle of an attack by a chemical weapon. Which, if you think about it, is really what it is.
We knew the traditional remedy was tomato juice, but the gallons of tomato juice that would have been necessary to sufficiently douse three large dogs were inexplicably missing from our normally well stocked pantry. It was late at night and nothing was open. It was pre-internet, so there was no expert advice to be had.
We rinsed them off as best we could, paying particular attention to Annies’s eyes. Then we admitted defeat, leaving the dogs in the garage, and retreating to bed to the accompaniment of the lingering odour of skunk, which by now was permeating the entire house.
That was the first time, but not the last, that our dogs were sprayed by skunks. Over the next twenty years of so of intermittent attacks by skunks, we tried tomato juice. We tried every commercial remedy on the market. We tried vast quantities of vanilla extract in water. We tried vast quantities of vinegar (both white and apple cider) in water.
Some of these would mask the skunk smell for a while, but it always came back, particularly if the dogs were wet.
Finally, we found a homemade solution that actually worked because Science, bitches.
The recipe for this skunk remedy was first published by K.M. Reese in “Chemical and Engineering News” in 1993.
Skunks have two glands on either side of their anus filled with odiferous chemicals including thiols, which contain sulphur and are also present in rotting flesh and feces. No wonder the smell is so obnoxious.
The science guy figured out that the only way to eliminate the smell is to break down the thiols. The recipe puts baking soda to work to catalyse the oxidative ability of peroxide. The oxygen molecules then bond to the thiols and neutralize them.
Got that? You don’t have to. Just rejoice that science figured it out!
Here’s the recipe:
1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
1 teaspoon liquid dishwashing soap
Another great thing about this solution is that the ingredients are widely available. You can buy hydrogen peroxide from any drugstore. It may be marked USP, meaning it is safe for human medical use. You can store the hydrogen peroxide in its bottle. It decomposes very slowly if kept in a cool dark place. Just make sure to check the ‘Best Before’ date and buy fresh if that date has passed.
Do I need to point out that baking soda is not baking powder or washing soda?
Pretty much everyone will have liquid dish soap on hand. Beware sites that tell you to use Joy or Dawn brands because they are best at removing grease and oil. Yes, they use them on wildlife caught in oil slicks. But they’re not helpful in this context.
One scientist of stinky dogs, says Ivory or a brand called ‘Softsoap’ are best because the “surfactant package” in these two is “fairly inert”. He says that heavy duty grade oil and grease cutting brands like Dawn are “less inert and hair shampoo is the worst”.
The General, who is a science geek and understands these things, translated this for me. He says that grease cutters will break down the oils, but they will also coat the hair in such a way that the active ingredients in our de-skunking solution may not be able to penetrate as well.
I further translated that to mean that you want an inert soap that will not interfere with the chemical thing going on with the baking soda and peroxide.
You can put the solution into a quart of tepid tap water. If it’s a big dog, obviously, you will need to multiply the recipe as needed.
Warning: Don’t make this solution up before hand and store it.
It would be nice to keep some handy, but the ingredients are volatile and when kept in a covered container over time, could explode. This probably explains why you can’t buy it commercially. Pet Smart lets you bring your dog there after all. I’m no expert, but having a shelf of de-skunking solution explode in his face would be probably be bad PR.
You’ll need some equipment as well.
Rubber gloves will protect you from getting the skunk juice on yourself, so the further the gloves reach up your arms, the better.
If you’re a pet owner, you probably already have a stack of old towels. Paper towels can come in handy as well.
You’ll need some kind of container for your solution. According to our old friend “Science”, metal “encourages auto-decomposition of the peroxide”. So use a plastic pail or large bowl.
Saline solution is good for cleaning eyes. Ear cleaning solution and cotton balls can also be useful.
An old lead (as the lead will likely pick up the skunk smell too) or length of rope will be helpful if you think you will need to tie your dog up to stop him wriggling away while you work on him or while the solution is soaking in.
Cats also get skunked, but it seems to occur far less frequently than it does with dogs. Possibly because cats aren’t overenthusiastic idiots who bound over to unknown mammals asking them to play. Cats know when to take cover.
Here’s a step-by-step of what to do if your dog gets skunked.
1. As soon as you realize your dog has been hit, if the circumstances make it possible, immediately go and change into some old clothes before you approach your pet. The oils will get on you as well, and they are just as hard to get out of your clothes and hair as they are from your pet.
2. Work fast. The longer the smell remains untreated, the more the oils will be absorbed into the dog’s coat and skin. They will be more resistant to removal.
3. Work outside if you can, so the smell doesn’t permeate the house
4. Fill a pail with fresh warm water.
5. Put on your long rubber gloves. Mix up the ingredients for the solution, and take it, along with the fresh water, your rubber gloves and your other supplies outside to where the dog is. If your dog objects to baths, secure him to a fence post or something with your old lead or rope.
6. If your dog’s eyes are red or weepy, she has been sprayed in the face. Immediately flush the eyes with clean water. You can also use saline solution for this purpose. You can clean the ears with a cotton ball soaked in ear cleaning solution.
If your pet got sprayed in the face, he might have inhaled some of it. If he is showing signs of respiratory distress, like coughing, wheezing or any trouble breathing, call the vet.
7. If your pet has visible signs of the skunk spray on her (if she looks wet), blot her coat with a bunch of paper towels or your old towels, to get rid of that much for starters.
8. Rub the mixture into your dog’s fur where the skunk spray has landed. If in doubt, do the whole dog. Avoid getting the solution into your pet’s eyes, nose or mouth. Work it into the coat well.
9. Leave it to soak in for five minutes or until the odour is gone.
10. Bathe your dog, using the dish soap again. Rinse well. As the odour should be pretty much gone by then, you can take the dog back into the house if that’s where you usually bathe her.
11. Turn the tap on while you pour any remaining solution down the drain in the sink. The running water will flush the pipe.
Your pet may still have some lingering odour, but in my experience, this remedy is far more thorough than any other. You can try repeating it if the smell is still there the next day. But because the longer the oils soak into the skin, the more difficult they are to remove, you likely won’t see (smell?) much improvement.
As you work on your dog, watch for any signs that she has been bitten or scratched. If you see any signs of this, consult your vet. Skunks rarely bite. If one has bitten your dog, it’s possible this atypical behaviour was caused by rabies.
Downsides to this solution?
Remember the expression “peroxide blonde”? What’s that? You’re not a hundred years old? Okay, well old-timey movie stars like Jean Harlow were labelled that way because hydrogen peroxide was a cheap way to get blonde hair without going to an expensive hairdresser.
It’s possible that the hydrogen peroxide may slightly bleach your dog’s coat if left on too long. For most of us, having a dog with bleached blonde hair still beats having a dog that smells like skunk. At worst, your black Lab may look like a chocolate for a while. And at least there is zero chance they will end up with Harlow’s freaky eyebrows.
Since the idea is to get the oils out of your pet’s fur, don’t be dismayed if his coat looks dull and lustreless after the treatment. It’s usual condition will come back in time.
Skunks are a scourge on this earth. Skunk spray is hazardous. It is strong enough to ward off bears, and can be smelled up to 5 kms away. It can be directed with accuracy as far as ten feet away. Sprayed directly into the eyes at close distance, it can even cause blindness.
The good news is that skunks are reluctant to spray unless they are convinced of imminent danger, because they can only spray a few times before the anal sacs are empty. It takes ten days to replenish their weaponised stink.
Their bold colouring is nature’s way of warning predators not to mess with them. Maybe dogs have been domesticated too long, because while most predators in the wild take to heart the message of the colouration and avoid skunks, some dogs, being major lunatics, seem to almost actively search them out, even after having been sprayed.
Owls are the only other predators known to go after skunks. Wikipedia tells us that the remains of 57 skunks were found in just one owl nest. Guessing the nest was rather smelly.
“Yes, I am sitting outside my nest because I don’t have a gas mask handy. Do you have a problem with that?”
You can try to keep skunks aways from your property by using other strong smells. Hang bars of strong disinfectants or deodorizers in your outbuildings.
Because skunks, ironically, hate strong odours.
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